You guys! Why wasn't I home at 3:30 when this message was left?

You always were the coolest guy at the middle school dances.

So. To rip off David Hume a bit (who, in turn, is ripping off David Hume, in an ironic twist of events), we should all be reminded of the need for economists to quantify everything.

Whatever it takes to keep you around, because my Yankees jokes are getting stale.

My 8th graders listen to ICP. I don't understand. They've been around since 1989! I think it says a lot about our society when clown-inspired, shitty, tasteless, novelty rap still inspires people.

I'm with you on the "no subject matter off limit" and continue with you on the "clever and original" ... I just don't think this one in particular was clever and funny. It's okay, we can have our differences. People have different experiences, different histories, that shape their sense of humor. I think both Brian…

I'm on Brian's side here ... it was pretty tasteless.

Who We Are on DUAN ...

Did you finish the list I gave you already?

The garbage disposal is one of modern's life least appreciated treasures. It's practical, efficient, and highly dangerous. Win win win.

Sweet irony? A man who didn't believe in national currency being on the national currency? A quick tempered, disagreeable man considered one of our nation's heroes? Oh, the irony abounds.

When I was a kid we had a Zenith TV also — possibly the same model. But it somehow knew there were channels past 12, so you could program a second dial (with letters) for certain channels. So you might watch the Simpsons on Channel G. So I'll watch your stupid show on Channel H or whatever.

So many angles ... I assume you mean going the vet route. Never. I could never do that. Routine vet visits would be just like parent/teacher conferences. "My dog is fat and I have no idea why" ... "What kind of diet are you giving him?" and, of course, the nightmare of giving terrible news.

I know it's different overseas, I just am not at a point in my life where I can make that leap. There is no Mr. Yuni, but there are Yuni's dogs, cats, lizards, and debt.

So. I've been thinking. You know this is dangerous for me. Thinking about life, Drew's interview with the AV club, setting my alarm for 5:15 AM, etc. I've come to some conclusions.

If only Yuni had checked Deadspin earlier for that memo. Sorry Brew Crew.

The Cardinals may have been able to handle the best pitching staff in baseball, but what are they going to do with the brilliance of Yuniesky Betancourt? He's a beast.

He did field that groundball in the 8th quite cleanly and threw it all the way to 2nd without falling down.

It's his way of making up for not fielding any ground ball within 1-7 feet of him at shortstop.

I try. I try really hard. That's the worst part.