I have THE BEST BATHTUB in the world. It’s an antique iron, claw foot tub. When you fill it up with hot, hot water, the whole thing just radiates perfection. That bathtub is my refuge. That bathtub is my Fortress of Solitude. That bathtub makes awful days into cathartic tub cries.

Yeah, Chive-bros are basically the Scientologists of titty-fucking. Those Keep Calm shirts/posters...so fucking try-harding and annoying.

i staunchly refuse to sleep with any man who has ever mentioned the chive to me

When the world revolves around you, why worry about the sun?

The worst thing about large groups is that people are exponentially stupider the more you add, so by the time you get to a group of 10 or 12, they can barely find their silverware by themselves.

"You can't charge us gratuity for a large party. That's ILLEGAL and FALSE ADVERTISING and UNACCEPTABLE and SEVERAL OTHER CATCHPHRASES I SHALL THROW AROUND."

Perhaps they were time-traveling Cardinals from the 15th Century who were hungry after having excommunicated Copernicus for his anti-Ptolemaic notions of a heliocentric solar system.

I know splitting checks can be a pain, especially on certain POS systems, but I think the tips tend to be better when everyone is doing their own bill instead of throwing in based on the group total.

Not to be "that person" but... have you considered adopting an older child? A family friend adopted her son when he was 5 or 6, and she loved skipping the diaper/throw-up/daycare stage. After school he's either in a homework help program or at t-ball until he can be picked up, and her husband has been very involved in…

Homeboy wants kids but is not willing to make the sacrifices? Thats Grade-A bullshit right there.

No babies is a great policy to have. They're expensive and they damage the environment simply by existing and needing things.

This doesn't surprise me. I don't necessarily think the difference is because parenting is such a walk in the park for men. A lot of the young guys I know who are newer fathers are almost as stressed out as their wives, even if they tend to do less work with their babies, and resent having less freedom and some of the…

totally agree. I worked shift work for 10 years and eventually got to be the most senior person in my area and 2nd most senior on my shift. I'm married, no kids. If someone had been able to take my assignment just because they decided to have a kid, I'd have lost my effing mind. Your kid shouldn't inconvenience me.…

I see no problem with the childless women not wanting to work at night.

Confession time. I have a huge phobia of becoming pregnant and a slight phobia of pregnant women. The sight of a bump sends mild chills down my spine. So I'm not judging pregnancy, I'm just scared of it. I'm a freak. Also, and I'd never ever admit this outloud: I'm slightly jealous of all the attention and praise that…

It isn't discriminatory, but it would be awesome if for any reason you make it past child bearing age without kids, they gave you a sabbatical just for fun. This is mostly because if that happened it would lead to non-paternity, paternity sabbaticals and I could reap the benefits. This might just be me projecting…

Thanks, Oprah, for inflicting Dr. Phil on our national culture.

if there are actual people that do this then we need a new plague

Can I mention how lucky I am to have a man who made me wait at a spot at Glacier National Park for 5 minutes for 4 other people to leave in order to ask me, quietly, to marry him. No videos, no cameras, no audience. I am lucky.

My husband, not overly sentimental, says to me on Sunday "Aww, did you see that latest proposal video? It's cute."