Ask if you can borrow a bottle or two?

That's exactly what I meant!

Johnson and Martin, both seniors, were a few months away from graduating. Following the investigation by the school, they were "suspended pending expulsion"

As my gay friends have told me many times, some of the biggest shitheads in the world are closeted gay men.

It's never happened to me, but I imagine we'd say 'hello' and get on with whatever it was we were doing. At least, that's what I'd do. Guess I shouldn't speak for anyone else. When I've been in open relationships I always assumed that if the woman wasn't with me, she was with someone else. That probably wasn't always…

They're one and the same.

That's not a bug, that's a feature. If you want bugs, eat at Taco Bell.

They were protecting you from the King of England, who — even now — is plotting his return to North American empire so he can force you to be gay.

Here's how you know you're a sniveling pussy: You can't even buy a burrito without that feeling of power and security you get from carrying a gun.

No, the danger is that these activists provoke a similar reaction among the usual donors. Nobody worries about a few struggling 27-year-olds.

Not writing checks is a great way to get the attention of any university president. I dated the daughter of a major university president when I was in school and money was pretty much all the poor bastard thought about. Not his fault, really — that's the job.

These kids need to stop harassing famous people with prom date requests. Kudos to the Veep for handling it about as well as possible.

HANG ON. Who's the stupid one here? This girl or her parents

She used her personal cellphone to make these calls???

Well, no one has ever accused me of being the President of the Monogamy Fan Club, but, as a man, I cannot imagine being in a relationship where the woman could step out and I could not. Not out of jealousy — sexual/romantic jealousy is something I have thankfully never experienced — but simply because I want to be…

Man with anger management issues lives to regret anger management issues.

Throwing an elbow or two when someone grabs you from behind seems like an understandable — even virtually automatic — response to me. I'd have given her the minimum sentence.

Starred just because of the final sentence. Never been married [so never been divorced], but I did literally laugh out loud at that.

There are a few things about that letter which make me think some, much or most of it is not authentic, but I can't prove any of that so, for the sake of conversation, let's just assume the entire thing is true. That being agreed upon...

I decided a while ago to never feed my dog anything that comes from China. Fair or unfair prejudice? Don't care — just want my dog alive and with me for many more years. That led me to making my own dog treats, which the dog loves and which are also very healthy and include parsley to freshen his breath. I love my…