“I’ll leave you this teddy bear to help you feel safe tonight. No, that’s totally not a hidden camera inside it. Why do you ask?”

Models walk up steps in heels all the time. Something more nefarious is surely to blame.

People gave Dakota Johnson such a hard time for snapping at her mother, and I felt bad for her. If you filmed me hanging out with my mother long enough you would definitely catch me snapping at some point. Same with everyone, I think. No one can reduce you to behaving like a petulant child faster than family.

I have a 15 pound dog who would make the exact same noises as the dog in the video. Talking mad shit to 3 bears who would eat it in a second. Small dogs are the worst.

Goldilocks: Don’t mind my dog. For some reason, he doesn’t like black bears.

At my school, every dorm had signs pointing to where you were supposed to go along with some attempt at light-hearted fun/bad jokes.

Great, now you’ve let the secret out. Everyone’s going to use it.

You can tick off the list of things that make police and media less interested in serial murders of women. Were the women...sex workers? women of color? poor? drug users? homeless? GLBT? Ahhh, they stopped listening at “sex workers.”

It’s very reminiscent of when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler made a couple of TayTay jokes, and she’s all like “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help women” i.e. “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t fawn all over me.” Also, Bad Blood is pretty weak-sauce. You’d think if you really wanted…

“Some fucked up shit in this family.”

It’s goddamned CRAZY-MAKING. I write Rom-Com, and every time I find myself on any of the bestseller lists or Hot New Releases, there’s always a shit-ton of stepbrother porn (to say nothing of all the shifters and billionaires) hogging all the top spots. This is a real issue at Amazon, to be honest. I don’t mind…

Also the #1 British ranked player.

Watson isn’t unranked. She’s unseeded. She’s currently ranked 59.

White people acoustic covers of trendy rap songs is worse than ISIS.

I wish a man would be “unsure” if I am his girlfriend with a $500K ring.

Well, I could be wrong about the “budgetary reasons” but they also wrote out Stephen Tobolowsky’s character pretty quickly (from whom the practice got its name — a plot point they later had to address). Pally wasn’t added until after they brought on Tamra and whatshernamecrackerjacks... Beverly, that’s it.

Mindy’s female friends were written off the show because the characters weren’t funny. In the early part of season 1, a lot of the supporting cast was in flux.

I love the deep discomfort with which this article and we in general treat an earnest statement by a comedian.

*John Terry immediately hands in transfer request*

Since this ended in a thai, it went to a shootout.