Didn't Ryan Gosling make this movie a few years ago? He played a recluse, and he orders Jessica Alba online and attempts to act like she's real.

What kind of lame dragon needs a jetpack? This dragon might get his butt kicked by the Joust ostrich.

I was always sad Dave Chappelle turned down the part. I can see it now: "I'm the Doctor, bitch! I'm the Doctor!!"

He hated Mondays. True story.

I recommend avoiding Marriage. Ignoring side missions, it can still take 20-30 years (3-7 years on the easiest level if you skip the conversations). And don't even get me started on the sequel, Kids.

Nice job, Patricia. Best article of yours I've read.

He was drinking their blood to increase his vitality. And now because some people are opposed to animal sacrifice for NFL dominance, we all have to suffer. What a shame.

The White Sox game won't be that much of a circus. Chicago recently put in a track near the bull pen where players can shoot up. A-Rod won't problems staying competitive at all.

Riley better be careful, or Vick is gonna let the dogs out.

God, I hope they yell "YOLO!" every time they move into position. Otherwise, I might forget I was wasting my life playing video games.

Fantastic commentary. They proceed as if fans were waving and drinking beer in the stands. Ole!

XCOM: Enemy Within is a ground-breaking concept that pits your elite team against an invading alien force with empirical goals all while your team comes to terms with latent homosexuality. Will Private Salvador's feelings for Tank destroy or strengthen your next mission? And how does Captain Turner look with a pink…

An uncircumcised penis is the only way to go. And after almost 500 partners, I've never had a single woman reject me or EVEN COMMENT on the fact. People who fear foreskins probably believe in angels and demons, too. And men who can't teach their sons to clean their cock properly aren't men in my book.

Before I read the headline, I thought it was a listing of Liverpool's side in 2013. Then I looked harder, and I thought it was a cue card for a new South Park. Then I saw "handicapped" and I just got confused.

She's just noting some of the tricks she learned to report the always tedious local news. But I'm sure a Christian noted the boobs and mail thing and dislike of the elderly. And the war on women continues.

America is a great country. We fire the waitress who openly degrades Asians, but we tell the banker who ruined the Asian's future to continue as before. Keep looking at the sideshow, kids. It's made for you.

Talk to me like a sexy baby and I'll show you my Weiner. ——Carlos Danger

Belichick got the Tuck Rule invented on the spot; I think he could get Hernandez off if he wanted to. He just doesn't want to now that he has the Jesus Receiver warming up.

PRIZE PLEASE!! <<flexing hand extended>>

Lance, when did you start blogging under JoTavs? BTW, I need a fix this week. You got some extra, like usual?