I saw Insane Masturbatory Rampage open for Slayer in '92.

I masturbated in a car once... that's a cry for help! Won't do it again though, because you know... The cab driver got really angry at me!!!

Amateur. Real shadetree idlebaters lube up with anti-seize compound for the full effect.

"24-year-old Jordan Haskins of Saginaw was running as a Republican for to fill a seat in the state House in November. It wasn't long before his rap sheet came into play, which included several charges of breaking into gated lots and masturbating while cranking the engine after ripping out the spark plugs."