Because I am, at my core, a dick.

Way too tall. Ben Shapiro is a pocket monster.

Leahy loves Batman. He was actually in the Schumacher films as well, and lent his voice to the animated series.

I’m pretty sure you can be both. Sunlight is the best disinfectant, but cleaning up can be super gross

In this week of celebrating runner-up royals, I too thought that headline was about Duchess of York. “Gee, has it come to this? She’s taking the subway?” (But only because we already know how low she’d go for a pile of money):

Senator Leahy learned from the best.

Side hug.

“I’m sorry to do this, but remember Former Texas Rep. Blake Farenthold? Alleged sexual harasser, lover of onesies?”

Artists rendering of the blackhole

yaaaa! I fondant creepy as hell

If it was that big 12 billion years ago, how big is it now and where is it at?

Hate to break it to you, but the hungriest black hole belongs to my girlfriend

“she’s stood there glowering for ten minutes already and she’ll lose face...” 

Well, she learned the hard way that an unsanctioned Weber grill on the lake isn’t anyone else’s idea of a high priority problem.

Well, I know exactly why she stood there for two hours. She called the cops and thought they’d come rolling up on a barbecue in two or three minutes. Or maybe five minutes, or surely ten minutes. Okay, maybe more than ten minutes but by then she’s stood there glowering for ten minutes already and she’ll lose face if…

Ah, yes...black folks with charcoal. Quite possibly one of the biggest concerns to our local municipalities, affecting property values, resident confidence, public safety, the environment, and fat white bitches.

Excellent rule of thumb for any of our white brethren wondering if they should call the cops: Ask your self “would *I* do (activity)?” Maybe follow it up with “HAVE I done (activity)?” if the answer to either is yes, put the phone down and go back to fucking up potato salad.

White women are the biggest tattle-tales on the planet. They will report your ass to your boss, your teacher, the cops in a nano-second. Anyone who has been in the work force more than a year understands this.