I see what you did there.

Oh man, my diamond is all scratched up. I figured it must have happened when I was hiking/climbing granite boulders in Wyoming. That or gardening...I just don't know. I don't do anything that crazy! But the jeweler said that they're definitely not as unbreakable as we've been led to believe. It's just a romantic…

TEAM DOG.

I read somewhere that the common misconception that diamonds are incredibly hard and unbreakable is a myth perpetuated by De Beers. I was shocked to find out recently that my engagement ring has a new, big chip in the diamond. The jeweler asked me if I wear the ring while I do things that are hard on one's hands, and…

Now that would be cool.

Thank you. I miss him so much, especially now, since I'm expecting my first baby, a boy, who's going to be named after him. I wish he could be here to see him.

Really? That's good to hear. Myeloma killed my dad 20 years ago. It was terrible—it completely ravaged his body before it took his life. He was so brave. I miss him every day.

Yes, shelter dogs are the best!! Here's my little boy, we adopted him in 2005.

I found a gif but I can't post from my phone :(

Right?? I've literally had a crush on him since 1993 when I saw Jurassic Park.

EVERYTHING NEEDS MORE JEFF

It certainly is my dog's mission in life. I think he sees them as living, breathing squeaky toys. Good thing he's too much of a doofus to ever catch one.

Will Smith might not return for Independence Day 2
As long as they have Jeff, it'll be okay.
rawwwwwr

IN ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF!!! I'm performing a concerto with my symphony tonight! I'm scared but excited! Wish me luck!!

I feel like this phenomenon happens even with tiny, everyday tragedies. I wrecked my car a few years ago, and thankfully I was unhurt, but really shaken up. So many coworkers and acquaintances just had to tell me their car accident story. Everyone has one. It's a way of empathizing, but it can be so annoying when…

do not take a flying leap and land on a dick.
This sounds very Vonnegut-esque:
"Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?"

That picture is so sweet. Brings a tear to my eye.

Kitsappalachia! That's where I'm from! Say hi to Central Market for me!

Bainbridge?

Instead of watching the Super Bowl, I practiced violin and snuggled my cats.