Real nice way to treat an A-list. I'll be sure to tweet about it,

Dear Jenny McCarthy,

As a veteran of many terrible haircuts, I can tell you for sure that the appropriate course of action is to find a bar close to the salon and then call all your friends and cry until someone comes and meets you there and buys you a drink.

Wow, my hair got botched last week and I've been feeling guilty about my negative Yelp review. I feel so much more reasonable now!

I hate seeing food wasted too, especially in all-you-can-eat situations. There's some Korean BBQ places that actually charge you if you have meat left over that you didn't eat, and some people just try to hide it somewhere but I think they have the right idea.

Pregnant women still like to have sex and some might have a kink about 3-ways, voyeurism and stranger sex.

It's very Lisa Frank. The child in me is loving it. The adult in me realizes how stupid child me was.

It's the Midwest, what do you expect?

Honestly, if you were dumb enough to want to STEAL that ugly of a dress, you need to be forced to eat doodoo for the rest of your life.

She's going to have a record...for stealing THAT dress...SMH.

The store owner is the one who should be arrested. That dress is a far more grievous crime than mere thievery.

The servers have to ladle your soup, get the breadsticks, and put together your salad. (Note that there is usually 1 olive per person in the salad bowl. I think this is a corporate directive.) Tip generously if you get constant refills!

if you don't know what would motivate someone to loot a corpse or an airplane full of corpses, you've never been really poor

Is she really that popular, because I've never heard of herbivore.

Purity ball. No question.

When my daughter was ten she asked how she could become a princess. I said she could move to Europe or the Middle East and marry a man her Grandfathers age whom she hardly knows. I offered to make some calls, hoping for a beneficial alliance with a powerful head of state, but She never really brought it up again.

is it just me or is the obsession with princess-dom like.... way worse now then when I was a kid? Seriously being a princess ain't all that great, considering your job is basically to get married and have kids (and it's probably your cousin you're gonna be marrying)

Only Brad Paisley is allowed to suck at a Brad Paisley concert!

All my dad ever gave ME was an inherited anxiety disorder.

Good luck with the rest of fatherhood, buddy.