Here as Switzerland. I don’t care what sheets you do or do not use people but always two scoops of oxyclean in a hot wash. I have white sheets and I am not into the ecru in the middle look. Blegh.

It’s noodles with a present for you inside. And that present is cheese.

Including my middle name, I have a 42 letter long-ass greek name.

Ron Pastrami is a sweet name, don’t be ashamed.

I have seriously considered installing a salt lick for when Aunt Flo comes to town. I get such cravings that a salt lick actually sounds good.

They should see the sculptures at my campus. This is the “eternal student” and the university has its own legend about him. Everyone who walks through the pillars right under him will never finish heir studies. They will either drop out or study for one degree after another and never leave the university.

No. I never wanted to have a baby. Then I got pregnant (not on purpose), and wanted him more than anything that I ever wanted anything in my whole life and am grateful every single day for him and the gift he gave me in my daughter in law.

Guess I’ll have to post this again! So fucking hilarious and depressing.

They should treat them. To an ice cream cone after their pediatrician’s appointment.

I think I’m doing ok! But thanks!

I also can't name a single female writer that inspires me. I can't name a male writer who inspires we either. I am a sentient hunk of cheese that someone plugged directly into the Internet. I am inspired by mold and bacteria.

Single is the new bitter. Trust me, I feel your pain.

dating is hard and it sucks and on all of these apps/sites you end up having the same introductory conversations over and over and no one has time or energy to meet for a drink after work and this shit is exhausting.

“SHE IS THE DOWNFALL OF WESTERN SOCIETY”, he cries into his hands full of semen

If Hamilton wasn’t wildly successful, no one would care. Now that it’s the hottest Broadway show on the planet white people are all “Wait praise, prestige and high paychecks? That’s my job!”

I’d be inclined to agree with you but Pounded in the Butt by my own Butt is light years better than 50 shades of Twilight.

Women suck at things, there is no way a woman could write a book series as good as JK Rowling and his Harry Potter series or write music as good as that dude PJ Harvey. They def can’t sing as well…

As a hearing impaired person who relies on lip reading for many of my interactions I insist that this darling young girl is saying “Why not toast?”. Watch carefully. You WILL agree.

I say you actually go with Skywalker IRL.

I agree on the reluctance to hyphenate. It forces the kids to eventually either pick one parent’s name, or try to convince their partner to take both of their parents’ names and keep none of their own. Tough sell.