My life: slowly realizing I’m throwing the match and having everyone around me awkwardly play around that reality. 

You mean licensed, taxed, plated, and regulated machines? Generally operated by licensed, insured drivers? Let’s step that up with guns and then it’s a conversation.

My best, Ed

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

Mike Tyson Edges Out Michael Spinks

They’re not good hitters because they have the most RBIs. Rather, people with the most RBIs happen to be best hitters because they’re good enough to play for a long time and often placed in the upper part of the lineup.

don’t raise your voice at me young man

I will only drink gin if it is Hendrick’s.

I save gas by going faster. That way, I get where I’m going more quickly and my vehicle spends less time burning gas.

Imagine if he played for the Bullets.

There it is folks, the biggest asshole of the day

Deep balls hang on him.  

i usually visit home at least three times a year, sometimes for a much as 12 hours at a time. i miss it until the moment i’m sitting in my parents house.

Yeeeeep. In my hometown it’s “drive to the Home Depot to hire a Mexican,” but otherwise same thing and same “it’s TRUE!” excuses.

War.

My family was in Germany during the war and their strategy of keeping their heads down and hoping it would pass didn’t work. By 1945 most of the homes and the family business had been bombed into the ground and most of the men had died or disappeared in Russia.

I want to see a crew of Charles Oakley, Xavier McDaniel, and Ron Artest

Funny you should say that... I am working on a book about how evangelicals could benefit from a wholistic embrace of gospel music, so... almost the same thing.

This some good rythmically-challenged outreach you’re doing.

WARNING — GENERALIZATIONS AHEAD.

Most popular music is in 4/4 time, which means, four beats per measure, each beat being a quarter note.

Most popular music also has some kind of drum accompaniment involved, which involves at the very minimum some kind of bass drum (a deeper, lower sound) and some kind of snare drum (a…