Use the Schwartz. You’ll figure it out.

Bill, is that you?

To follow suit, the Mets announced it is Bill Buckner Day, a day to sit back, relax, and celebrate the balls between our legs.

Yep, you definitely sound caucasian!

I was going more with Milli-Vanilli. Or 80s solo-tour Jagger.

I’d like to see Peggy and Drew in a debate. 

Other sports interesting to get drunk at:

Wild Thing, circa 2017.

Following standard protocol, the dog was selected for random testing.

I covered the X Games in Aspen for 10 years (2003-2012). Someone could’ve died every year, in almost every event, in almost every trick. That said, the toughest thing I ever saw was a disabled skier launch a 100-foot jump at the end of the skiercross competition, slam on the snow, roll 10-15 times, bloody his lip, and…

Can we just call him Bob-Bob from here on out?

Where else would it go?

I ran a golf magazine for a while, and Jay Cutler was in our area promoting his charity (which had a golf tournament), so we asked him to be on our cover and sit down for a 15-minute interview. He said no. So we got Greg Norman instead. Which just goes to show you, (ahem, Bears fans), you never know what good things…

Thanks? 

And so I take your last sentence and Google it. Here are the story subjects, in order of reference to: “If he gets his shit together, he could be one of the best players of his era.” Nick Kyrgios, Michael Jordan, Andy Roddick, Prince, Kevin Durant, Tom Brady, Ivan Neville, Rory McIlroy, Evan Dando and Minnesota Fats.

I get what you’re saying here. I really kind of agree, except for one point: If you’ve ever been to Wrigleyville, you’d never call Cubs fans funny and quaint. Perhaps bloated and sloppy? But to your point, once the spotlight is on, it will not be a pretty scene.

I don’t disagree. I’m just saying, there is good cause every now and then to out an anonymous source. I’ve done it once in my life, so I should’ve clarified that it should only be done after careful thought and truly weighing the consequences. In this case, I had every other source on my side, and did it to keep the…

The Homeland Security Department came in and shut down a critical road that was over a reservoir dam, about four years after 9/11. They said if a terrorist blew it up, it would flood the entire region. The major problem was, it was a critical road for law enforcement and emergency vehicles, which had to go several…

*you’re