almost nobody will get this joke. and I love it.

Jack White is reportedly pissed.

I'm not going to make judgment one way or another toward the Swiss team, but their flag is a big plus.

"Swap out #6 for dying in an ambulance that's stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital"

is this something I should be contacting the police about... all I'm hearing is you saying "I'm going to stab someone at Wimbledon

Why anyone would want to be remembered for shitting the deathbed in their final minutes is beyond me. Don't kid yourself- that's what they'll talk about at the funeral.

[knock, knock]

Good suggestion. Notice that I qualified Freezing to death with "on Everest." That to me is such an utterly useless and stupid way to die, regardless of the pain/serenity.

Only an asshole wants to make his friends and family watch him die. There's a reason other beasts nobly crawl under the porch- dignity.

I'm sorry, I can't get over the botched knee-replacement.

Humans program the machines, so yes.

Chew also contributes to receding gum lines, which I'm all for, considering I've been waiting to buy this pack of Hubba Bubba for the better part of an hour.

I vote polar bears over human overpopulation... very well.

It's Dempsey, by a dick!

this is because corporations now rule everything including all of the us policy-makers.

"Call me an ugly American."

#yesallpeckerwoods

The next white person that complains about "littering blacks" gets a punch in the mouth.

Like most things in the life, the second one needs more Yakety Sax.