This isn't what I come to DadPenis for.

You can tell it's in Australia because the kid spun counter clockwise.

"You've just spent a considerable amount of time being incredible rude and profane to someone you don't even know. I would ask you what's wrong with you but I don't even know you and it's not very nice making assumptions about people."

I think the point is, when I hang out on Jezebel or Gawker I do not give a flying tamale about election results ... in India or anywhere else. I'm 63 years old. I've already consumed enough shitty, frustrating political news to last ten lifetimes. Sometimes you'd just rather read about Jay-Z shopping for jewelry.…

Poor guy, he just wanted to experience the feeling of someone in Mets gear actually rounding the bases.

You're incredibly silly and you seem too lazy to get your news from more than one place.

Good luck topping the Bakersfield condor.

Okay, okay. I have a great joke. The cat is going to throw the pitch with his PAUSE!

The raccoon is actually the thing being thrown.

I mean, is he sure he took them?

?

It doesn't look like this guy submitted the proper handicap.

The lack of porn in the study definitely explains all the blue balls.

95% of my internet usage is "Search". I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

They must not be very prominent Republicans, because those guys tend to dodge drafts.

that cat was as stoic as beyonce in an elevator

This is the first time a cat has ever done anything selfless, hence it's news.

Tensed situation.

"I got excited after the finish to see Marcel and wanted a photo and in hindsight looking back I understand the time and the place were completely wrong."