...if I was a Deadspin writer, I would write articles just so I could flirt with women, too.

"I'm feelin alright"

The Boys Are Back in Town. Love Thin Lizzy, but I've heard that song enough times for this lifetime.

Kick in "Magic Carpet Ride" while you're at it. Also an overplayed abortion.

Don't forget Born to be Wild. You can't show a motorcycle without hearing that overplayed abortion of a song.

"Start Me Up"

Maybe I should have clarified "Motown music that could have been used in The Big Chill."

"Walkin' On Sunshine"

Try sitting through the mountain of ad concepts that don't make it. Or sift through all of the rules of things that you cannot show. "Why can't they do XYZ in their ad?" I'll tell you: because you will spend $4 million for a 30 second ad that will be flushed down the drain once somebody gets offended even slightly.

Speaking as someone who works in advertising and who has been privvy to the music selection process of countless commercials — it's rarely a question of affording it. I mean, unless you want the Beatles or something. It's just a matter of the decision makers having terrible fucking taste.

They need something new and fresh and rebellious like "We're not gonna take it"

For some reason Portland got it. Sorry, Scientologists, but there are limits to the stupid shit Portlanders will buy into. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a gluten-free muffin and some unfluoridated water to dig into.

Well-produced spot. It reminds me of those ads during college footbal games that make Clemson or Auburn or whoever look like places of incredible academic research.

You may be misunderstanding the type of "good" I'm assigning to this commercial

Oh I didn't read it that way at all, was just saying it took me by surprise when I moved down here. I think it took off here because they only have one other pro sports team, the Titans.

I should first note that I really like shrimp. It's my go-to appetizer most of the time, and outside of a strip club buffet spread, it seems surprisingly hard to fuck up.

That having been said, I've never tried shrimp dip, and my initial reaction when I read those words juxtaposed against each other was "That sounds…

Bah, chipotle salsa doesn't even deserve to get by salsa verde in the opening round. The problem is that too many people east of the Mississippi River probably have never had really good salsa verde, so they'll blindly vote that awful chipotle stuff because Pace now makes a bottled version of it that they can buy at…

Velveeta is evil cheese-flavored C4. May it lose quickly.

I'm a born and raised Chicago girl, but a clam pizza from Pepe's would be my call for best pizza.

I live 5 minutes from Pepe's.... I've also never even heard of a steamed cheeseburger. The only thing steaming is my anger towards this list!!