Keep an eye out for LiLo's new pearl earring line. It will be a limited release of about 3,000 pairs.

Good question! There are a whole fuckton of us in this world. "Born-Again Celibate"? "Been There Done That Asexual"? "Already-Paid-My-Dues Grayzone"?

This is why I can't eat cheesecake; it goes straight to my vagina.

All of a sudden the morning after pill makes a lot more sense, though!

Just like the old saying goes: "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach. A way to a woman's stomach is through her vagina. Or was it heart? I can't remember. Anyway, vagina."

He's lamenting all those years he insisted on a condom for oral now...

Kim Gordon will always win.

"Consent is a simple word that overlooks so much. When a parent asks their kid whether they want to have sex, does the answer matter? Isn't the question wherein the wrong lies?"

Actual feedback from an interview (paraphrased, because it was 1999):

Exactly. There's way crazier stuff demanded by people with half his fame level. Quite reasonable. And while he comes across like a tit sometime, I run some events in my city and he played at a festival last summer - heard nothing but great stuff about him and his band from the people running that show.

I actually looked at the rider. He was asking for things like having a clean, dry dressing room in close proximity to the stage, couches to sit on, really simple food and beverages for his crew. I've been at some back stage thingies, and the ones I have been to have been pretty simple as well. He's asking for…

I really don't think this would look anywhere near as bad without the crowbarred wisecracks telling me what I'm supposed to think between every paragraph. I'm struggling to find anything wrong with this, and I'm not even a Jack White fan.

1. Of course Michael Jordan is a model. That might not be what he's primarily known for, but that doesn't change the fact that he has had to model to sell the shit he endorses.

Blow job week?

I only learned about this because my mother volunteered at a women's prison in Illinois where she co-created a program to teach parenting courses to mothers in prison to help them gain back custody rights to their children upon release. Her tales were harrowing and heartbreaking but she stuck with them for years.…

I imagine Bruce telling each daughter a different story, a la Tyrion Lannister, and seeing which version makes it out into the gossip ether first.

Today, a dude I knew from a summer camp in 2005 comes out of nowhere and posted on my facebook wall like "HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, here's a semi-flirty copy/paste from an email you wrote me in 2006, I miss you". UGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHH. I tried to laugh it off like 'haha wow I don't remember the context for that at all!' and…

Also, buy a new house when you need to vacuum.

I convinced my mother that my bag of pot and pipe, was "A pipe and natural tobacco I got from a guy in produce who said it wasn't as bad to smoke as cigarettes."

My mom still thinks the tramp stamp I got 17 years ago is henna that I keep getting redone. You believe what you want to believe.