Isn’t everything ever?

Midnight beer math time!

This guy needs to make like a tree and get Dutch Elm disease.

This is probably dumb, but I’ll bite.

Oh I'll go one day. Something will bring me there and it'll be a delight.

Smith will likely not get another NFL contract. He’s smart to save all he can

Geez, his at-bat wasn’t that bad!

This doesn’t even make sense without the horrible double entendre! You need lots of different people’s permissions to hold a football game.

There are no words...this is amazing.

WHY DON’T THEY JUST MAKE THE WHOLE CONDOM OUT OF SALIVA THEN?!!?!

Fascinating!

God, I wish you guys did a baseball version of Why Your Team Sucks.

Tom Brady killed Cecil

How can you tell? Was he going on and on about editorial integrity?

Future Deadspin writer

I’m a hunter, and I know I always feel the proudest when I use bait to lure an animal that I have no intention of eating and that has become acclimated to being in the presence of people (which removes any sport in it) nominally outside a protected area for the sole purpose of counteracting the shame of my shockingly…

Trophy hunter truthers who think that this kind of shit helps animal conservation are absolutely the fucking worst.

Rivera pushed Carrera off the bag. Way to help out your team Mr. Third Base Coach!

Pluto also has the same amount of Super Bowls wins as Minnesota.