Heard it. I'm less than 3 weeks from my due date and baby is putting so much pressure on my pelvis now that its impossible to get comfortable. I'm wearing a god awful maternity belt and popping Tylenol and sooooo miserable.

There are a few things that I wish would happen in every high school sex ed class:

I bought into that whole "trust your body to fulfill its primal biological destiny" thing and ended up having a failed natural home birth after three days of back labor that ended in a hospital transfer and unwanted cesarean. Yeah, most pregnancies can end in an unmedicated vaginal birth if that's what mom wants but…

You dated Newt Gingrich?

Is this Shiloh?

Then you did actually learn something... that you are into lip gloss fetish videos.

1. have gorgeous, full, hydrated lips

SHE LOOKS LIKE A SEXY BABY AND I AM SO CREEPED OUT.

It is truly frightening. Like the face of a toddler photoshopped onto a woman's torso, which is then photoshopped at the wrong angle to anotehr woman's lower body.

Official 'look off' sc0re = Jesus > Karl Lagerfeld.

Looks like Karl Lagerfeld. And that is not a good look.

"So man that really sucks for you bro"

this is how easy it is for the robots to divide us

I like where this guy's head's at. Sounds like Fincher after Alien 3. I can respect that.

Bill Cosby didn't need to swear to be funny — or assault women.

/calls parents right this goddamn instant because I'm terrified of what J.K. Simmons will do to me

God, how awful.

lol. this is quite random.

OMG BEYONCE HAS PORES?!

With you. It's been two months of bad, with a couple of total freaking nightmares happening simultaneously the last two weeks. This column ... thank you, Kitchenette.