yeah. totally killed it for me. Had to mute it and turn on something else when I realized they weren’t going to edit the song at all, it was just going to play through.

The Subaru dealership where I bought my car was terrible. They screwed my paperwork up so badly they don’t think that I have the car that I have, and I can’t get them to honor any recalls on it.

I can make it one better. The friend of mine I was with looked exactly, and I really can’t emphasize that enough, EXACTLY like Cary Elwes did in the Princess Bride. He was the same age as Cary Elwes was when he did that movie. They even had the same haircut. So when you think of the dramatic reenactment, Cary Elwes is…

I went to a Hooters knock-off (why would you try and copy that?) in Cape Girardeau, Missouri once. They were having a karaoke night. Not wanting to be rude, I did Mother by Danzig. The crowd oddly got really into it, and it resulted in a little person getting into a fight with a one-armed man. The little person waited…

G-wiz that’s a bad joke.

Jesus Christ, is that blood?

At first I thought, “They weighed the candy?” But then I realized that if there was that much of it, you’re gonna weigh it.

I realize this is about bolts, but sometimes things have screws:

Dude, watch your mouth.

BRING BACK HOMOLOMOLOGOLATION!

You know what you need...

You either crawl back into the backseat and then reach into the trunk before exiting, or you walk around the car to the back in the rain? How undignified.

kinja’d

kinja’d

You can tell the dog to fuck off. Just tell him to go to sanctuary or the gas station and stay there and then he doesn’t come back unless you go get him.

Training wheels really are a strange concept for a motorcycle.

Das Auto ist haben sie Backpfeifengesicht.

It’s not like it’s hard for me to do, I just don’t want to do it. It’s like, flossing isn’t hard and you can get into the habit of doing it so that it’s muscle memory to do when brushing your teeth but you don’t want to do it. If they made a machine that could floss my teeth better than I can myself and can do it…

Maybe if it was 100% for the track, but even then I would rather have electronic shifting. A computer can do this smarter and faster than I can. Also my lines are way more important and fun to me than shifting, so if I don’t have to think about it then that’s +1 in my book.