Sometimes, manufacturing defects in ice cream get to a point where it's better for both eater and ice cream to terminate it.

Not knowing who Debbie Reynolds is I clicked expecting to hear about a song ripping off a Beatle's Classic.

Dear Prudence,

I run an advice column, but I've actually been cribbing my letters. This has gone on successfully for years, but I'm getting nervous about being caught. Please help!

Signed,

Dottie Rainolds

I go to see my doctor - you know my doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz - I say, "doc, give it to me straight, how long do I have?" And then he cuts my dick off.

When a hairstylist takes too much off the top, at least you have the consolation of the hair eventually growing back. Maybe parting his balls differently would help?

I really wish that children's products weren't considered "lady products."

If they made a drinking game for this you would die of alcohol poisoning before finishing.

special note to dudes- ** Mad Men is Not Meant To Be A Tutorial**

Well, you can't say David Lynch doesn't have experience trying to make people look good in their underwear.

I don't think anything is wrong with erotic, but this I would be ashamed of.

My Polish Yiddish-speaking grandfather, standing in front of Buckingham Palace, to my dad: "This kveen*, it's not right."

Tom Arnold. I can relate.

safety first.

Holy shit. Now I want to see the rest of that dictionary. Besides that horrific and entirely accurate definition of "necklace" that is perhaps not appropriate for a children's dictionary, I'm mesmerized by the inaccurate, circular, and/or incomplete definitions of the other words on the page.

He's a very important person. He sells monogrammed coffee thermoses.

I don't think my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be very happy to hear about this...

You have made the best point on this entire thread.

Can I tell you a secret? I'm drinking boxed wine a lot. And it's surprisingly good! And super affordable. I must confess I know nothing about scotch.

You're not saving me any money because, as I said, I would never buy them. Having had to unscrew about fifty of those spikes off of my backpack twenty-five years ago to get into Disneyland pretty much was the end of my spike purchasing days.