“Wait, it’s just the brown Muslims right? All my Dagestani fighters are gonna be cool?”

The fact that it happens at the mining company “Dunwich Borers” is definitely a hint as to the supernatural origins.

I’d love to respond to this, but I can’t figure out any way to reach you.

Based on what happens every time there’s any call for gun regulation, I sure fucking hope so! What a great investment. I’d would definitely rather have stock in guns than an actual gun.

In California, dabbing is something else entirely.

A star for my fellow local Guy Fieri hater.

I want to know what Yid Dish is. I really, really hope it’s a gossip site specifically by and for the Jewish community. “Did you hear about Mrs. Rothbaum’s husband? Ran off with some shiksa from California!”

It kind of looks like that salamander hand from the worst first season X-Files episode.

Ugh, I had gastroperesis for a few months (doctors never figured out what caused it, chalked it up to “some infection or something, yay science!”) and it was just the worst. My sympathies.

Am I the only person who reads all these and then thinks “Man, it would not be hard to dedicate the rest of my life to tricking many people into believing in ghosts via practical jokes.” A few of this have to be made-up (or real AHHH!) but a lot of them could just be cruel friends, and I’m nothing if not a cruel…

“Are you wearing Sitwell’s dress eyebrows?”

Those are good burgers, Walter.

Utley OPSed .654 this year as a 36-year-old. If he’s still in the bigs next year it will be as backup (as he is now) and even odds as to whether that would even be in the NL.

I say wait til Utley is in the field then have a baserunner spear him. You get a position player ejected and a free out, but that’s probably less harmful to your chances of winning than hitting him in the head when he’s batting (plus, you know, you could kill him).

We don’t see what you did there.

Seriously, this game is tough as nails. I finally had what felt like an amazingly lucky playthrough, reached the boss and beat him with only a couple rookie soldiers remaining.. only to find out he was the first itineration of four increasingly difficult versions of the boss. Holy cow. I’ve made it to the last one now…

I’m pretty sure the actual drug war is also an unrelenting horror story disguised as a drug war.

Drunk you is funnier than the entire writing staff of The Big Bang Theory!

I want to print out that email so I can prove that there is joy in life in the event I ever come across somebody about to jump off a bridge.

Hahaha, was this even feasible to store without an industrial-sized fridge? Maybe I’m overestimating the size of a case.