Another Yankee fan getting screwed by an imported beer.

Ugh. You're not helping.

Trust me, that would have been a great joke in the 1990s.

Maybe you guys feel bad for these kids, but I don't. Remember, none of this would have happened in the first place if those boys weren't acting so jerky.

The only other person I know who can squeeze in four fucks that early in a game is Rick Pitino.

I can't help but suspect that keeping track of players who are most full of shit is nothing more than a cynical attempt by the MLB Network to boost Curt Schilling's Hall of Fame resume.

What a coincidence. Tony Stewart's mid-race snack is 50 of them.

Yeah, I'm not too proud of that either.

Funny prank, but why would he go through all that trouble? If I wanted to taunt Piers Morgan, I'd just leave him a message in Paul McCartney's voicemail.

The Pursuit of CrappyKicks.

(Incidentally, sorry about the photo. It was the first thing that came up in a search for Wisconsin and brat. Honest.)

Coincidentally, "V-I-P-ness" is also J.R. Smith's new nickname for his dick.

Holy shit, that's a great find. I'm no lip reader myself, but it sure doesn't look like he's blaming the Gentiles for anything...

It gets even worse when you find out Cristiano Ronaldo was supposed to take the next kick.

Wait, so you guys are telling me that that wasn't Trey Kidd?

Doesn't God work in mysterious ways, everyone? In the face of such a tragedy, he's always there to remind us of the one fact that can hold us together, through thick and thin: that Wolf Blitzer is an oblivious fucking asshole.

Eww, now you're responding to comments I made days ago? I must have gotten under your skin. What's wrong, was I out of line questioning the comedic chops of someone who has yet to post a single joke on here? I mean come on, why would anyone trust your opinion on anything funny when you've shown absolutely zero ability…

But what did you bring? Do me a favor and post one of your better jokes for us. And when it was posted.

Better than when Bernard King was doing the weather. No matter what time of year it was, it was always snowing for some reason.

I think he gets that Ricky. I also think that, if you're 34 years old, you should probably stop looking for sophistication from Deadspin comments, or from fart jokes from that matter. Otherwise, you run the risk of coming off as a real moron.