"I'm not going out for your birthday because you didn't come to my FUCKING GHOST PARTY!"

I had a roommate who was supposed to go to a going away party for someone she didn't particularly give a shit about, so the excuse she gave? "I have to wash my sneakers."

"The only reason I don't have a hard-on is because I had a Snickers earlier today!"

This is beyond rape culture. This is the Twilight Zone levels of hate culture. And does it not occur to these people that this means that a man who stabs a woman so brutally is wandering around free to kill again?

You fuck with the cat, YOU GET THE CLAWS.

The ones he hasn't met?

A matronly, 29-year old

Amanda is 29!?

...But I'll answer anyway?

Seriously. Whenever people are stopped with weed in their cars or whatever I'm like "... why did you even get off the couch? HOW did you get off the couch?" Sit down, have some Doritos, watch Broad City. Don't go out there stalking people! That takes so much effort!

It's guys like him that give weed possessors a bad name.

Stalking 101: Don't go to the police station.

"My husband is from Italy, and if I judged him based on the words that he misuses in our English language he wouldn't be here today."

You're welcome to spread the tale of our love far and wide. You can even join us on a double date! How'd you like to meet our friend, Rider Strong Next To A Big Ass Wolf? I'd be happy to introduce you to our good buddy- Rider Strong Next To A Big Ass Wolf. He is single and ready to mingle, this guy that I am…

For those of you wondering, my husband, Jonathan Taylor Thomas With A Baby Deer and I are doing wonderfully. We've recently welcomed two children, Snap Bracelet and Sticker Earrings and we are just over the moon, me and my husband Jonathan Taylor Thomas With A Baby Deer. Life couldn't be better with him, my real life…

FUCKING "PAN." You know his real name is Michael or Stephen or something mundane like that.

Hmmm

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

Which of those things is a crime punishable by death?