I’ve got a crisp $10 bill on Masvidal having called him a “cuck,” and it just wasn’t reported.  I will promptly use my winnings to buy a three-piece with a soda. 

“Oh My Goodness!! Three seconds left!!”

Rick Pitino in a coat room? *family fued X buzzer*

yet you can drink yourself to blackout and pass out on the steps of the train station and nobody bats an eyelash

I love how changes to “keep airplane from falling out of the sky and killing all passengers” is categorized as “improvements.”

but also come on, let Mr. “I Love This Game” live.

Rabbi Hyman Krustofski: Ah, let’s see. I want a nice sandwich, but the Joey Bishop – too fatty. The Jackie Mason – I don’t know, sauerkraut makes me gassy. The Bruce Willis? I don’t even like his work. What is this – a Meghan McCain?
Izzy’s Deli Server: That’s Ham, sausage and bacon, with a smidge of mayo.
Rabbi Hyman…

Ah the “It isn’t bad writing, it is a satire about bad writing!” defense.

something came back with him

But also the most spot-on.

a site for boys who wanna grow up to be Donald Trump Jr.

Some historical notes:

Tell them it was your evil twin! - Tyler Hamilton

I audibly gagged at the thought of getting ready to go down on a sexy dude, only to be punched in the face nose by some stank hot dog dick.

Guys....Have I been playing bridge wrong this whole time? 

As a local taxpayer, he’s not just an irate stepfather. He’s also an owner.

Assuming by “that venue,” you mean every goddamn place on this garbage continent.

You’re supposed to tip at Sonic? Who knew?

For a normal hire, it’s probably not desirable to do that sort of digging. For someone who is going to be your social media presence, I think knowing what their public social media looks like is pretty highly relevant.

Seriously. The next person they should consider firing is the clown in HR who let her get through.