I'm sure people tell you that you're too skinny and that you should go eat a sandwich, and my size-24 self would be happy to punch them in the face for you.

I'm sure people tell you that you're too skinny and that you should go eat a sandwich, and my size-24 self would be happy to punch them in the face for you.

I'm sure people tell you that you're too skinny and that you should go eat a sandwich, and my size-24 self would be happy to punch them in the face for you.

I cried a little for you. I'm looking forward to the end of my 55-mile commute in May, when I get married and move out of state. I hope that you enjoy your new job. Driving a lot can give you time to think. Sometimes too much time. I hope yours is peaceful.

"But I didn't know we had an exam!"

I teach college-level science, and students are required to write definitions on exams. I warn them that if their 5th grade English teacher wouldn't have accepted it, I won't either.

A friend of mine writes historical fiction based in ancient Egypt, and she's gotten teased for her characters fearing hippos way more than crocodiles — even though hippos are way more dangerous.

A few years ago, I lived in a newly rebuilt rental house in New Orleans. One summer, the air conditioner ceased working when the thermostat went dead. Since it was a brand new house, and since you more or less cannot survive in New Orleans without air conditioning, we panicked and tried to get in touch with our…

Here's the thing though: showing off your underwear in situations where it's not meant to be seen is far more rude than immodest.

My fiance has been a diabetic since he was 9 years old. He's in his mid-thirties now. You're not alone.

My friend and her husband ran into a married friend of theirs at a movie with a younger woman who was an actress in plays he directed. Conceivably, it could have been an innocent, friendship sort of thing. My friend inquired after this fellow's wife, and the young actress went white.

I have one in my class for the second time this semester at my small-town Southern university. Not stupid, just didn't do any work the first time around. Since then, he's decided he's taken this class often enough and is now earning a B.

I substitute taught a class with two girls: Unique J. and Unique W.

I had a friend in college whose Chinese name rendered close to Balboa. And so he'd tell people, "Like Rocky!" Except that he had such a thick accent, people heard "Lucky" instead.

He'd bought the ring in my hometown and had it shipped to his home. It was summer, so I wasn't working (I teach) so I was living with him at the time. The jeweler called the day before to let him know to expect it.

Third date of a long distance relationship (do they count as dates if you're spending the weekend together?). Norovirus. Me first, then him, with a slight overlap. No one could keep anything down, and what did go down came shooting out of the other end at high velocity. Memorably awful.

My dogs hate it when I shut them out of the bathroom. They'll paw at the door. The little dumb one will cry to be let in. So I just use the toilet with a canine audience.

I am marrying a man whose name starts with Com——. So my friends are encouraging us to have a girl and name her Dorothy so that she can be Dot Com——.

I get a haircut every year on my birthday. That's plenty.

Here's the other thing about drinking heavily in public situations — most people who do it don't have any intention of getting that drunk.