Any day now, we're going to discover that Taco Bell is the largest single funder in the marijuana legalization campaigns. Because seriously, they're trying to corner that market.

I'm a teacher. I use nonsense, silliness, or hogwash.

Apollo's Belt. 'Cause I'm neo-classy like that.

I truly understand the need to be comfortable. But getting my millennial (22 year old) son to get dressed for ANYTHING that might require something other than jeans and sneakers has become a raging pain in the ass. I had to convince him that jeans and a t-shirt are not appropriate attire even when all you are doing…

They're truly horrible.

Can we discuss how squicky the accompanying V photos of Selena make me feel? It's like they tried to make her look *really* young, and also there's some Latina stereotyping/fetishization going on, to me. (Maybe it's just me, though.)

I've spent my entire adult life being freezing at night. The last 15 years have been spent needing to put my icicles feet on my husband's thighs to keep warm, even in summer.

Agreed. I put it in my hear hole but I didn't have an eargasm.

Welcome to face sitting, buddy.

Flat white can only achieve it's optimum flavor profile when served in an engraved coffee thermos.

I hate thin mints and this is the first time I have ever admitted that to another person out of fear for my life and my freedom.

Team Tagalongs for life. Sorry, not sorry. Mint tastes like tooth paste, whereas Tagalongs taste like happiness.

Dey puts da square meats on a round bun! Dat's one of them there signs of the ah-pickle-lips!

I would like to ban 'on fleek' by June 1. We'll be sick of it by then.

She is incredibly important in today's world. Love her.

I dunno, I kind of like this one...

Ohhhh TAGS. When Mini Pie was a baby all she liked about all the stuffed animals people bought her were the tags. She could give two shits about the animal but if it had a big cloth tag on it? NOMS ALL DAY LONG.

He could have me for a Space Gray 128MB phone. YOO HOO BUDDY! Call me!*

this is one of the only articles that I take time to read everything including the comments. :)

The red and white mix sounds like people always trying to tell me to mix coke and sprite together to make ginger ale. Sure you have a brown-ish, clear-ish liquid but does it taste like ginger ale? No. Just no. Stop it. Please.