Gabriel Garcia Marquez holds a special place in my heart. His book was one of the first books I ever read in Spanish. I was given One Hundred Years of Solitude on a trip to Cuba with my parents. We were staying at the home of a woman who had fought in the revolution and her son, Boris, gave me his copy of 100 years.…

I mean, look, this really isn't that hard (HA!).

As a guy, my ego is not so large as to believe that women are going to orgasm during sex every time. In fact, I would venture a guess that MOST don't really orgasm from straight penis-in-vag sex a lot of the time.

My girlfriend is one such woman, but this isn't an issue.…

Shocking! lol seriously though, I love to sext with my partner. He works long hours now and it's a fun way to keep in touch, distract ourselves (he from work, me from preschooler/work), feel that great ego boost that we are on each other's minds, and set up an easy primer for a quickie when he gets home. We definitely…

All the haters have never been in a long-distance relationship. Or had an SO in prison

(But Millennials are special. They can't all be lumped in together.)

Today I learned Matthew McConaughey was in angels in the outfield.

I AM AN UNHOLY SEER!! Two days ago— I shit you not— driving the car, I turned to my dude and said, "Damn, isn't it about time Missy Elliot made an album?!" //°_°\

Yup, just decided. I WILL have kids, just so I can teach them that it IS called Game of Thrones.

I love the idea of this. I don't really watch porn because I get stuck thinking about whether or not the actress actually looks like she's having fun (often not).

I can't read the Gwyneth links without fantasizing about a Gwyneth switch-up, Prince and the Pauper style, with my life.

The papers I'm grading are ... exclusive ... too.

If it takes exceptionally strong glutes, abs, and calf muscles to masturbate, then I am *definitely* doing it wrong.

This would be me. I'm a weeper. No shame!

Option 6: You personally enjoy a nicely trimmed vajayjay area with a "landing strip" but don't like getting waxes and frankly it's just too much fucking work and time in the shower to deal with on a regular basis so you resolve to just let it be. I call this my "Lazy Pubifesto."

So apparently I have had a level 4 orgasm. This happens occasionally when my SO and I are in the exact right spot, and he is doing the exact right thing. It was so intense and long-lasting that I thought I was dying. I really for a second questioned if my heart would stop and was making a noise akin to a whale mating…

"4. Keep your socks on (unless it's super hot inside)."

And you know when I'm down to just my socks what time it is ... it's business time.

I'm a former chef and kind of a foodie and I like to give people crap about using convenience foods, but even I admit that the dip with Velveeta and chili and salsa in a crockpot is like eating the tears of angels.

I like OKC. I feel like it's kinda a PR for the soul. I just make sure I won't settle. I say exactly who I am and exactly what I expect out of a date and no, I don't get responses every day... but when you go to a party or a bar you don't meet someone every time either. This way I am guaranteed to go out with people…

Amen. Though I will say that I have almost choked on Bath and Body Works freesia and sweet pea plenty of times in the hallway outside my classroom. You cannot spray on hygiene, children.

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING stop over using this nasty smelling shit OVER your sweaty, post P.E. BODY! do NOT use 1/2 the bottle as you are walking into an enclosed space such as a classroom or MY office. please, please stop.

I just know it from the fierce 80s miniseries. I won't be forgetting Gregory Harrison as the Shirtless Stranger any time soon.