But regular soda you’d have to choose from tooth rot, diabetes and extreme calorie load or neuro-toxins. Seltzers are the only way to be a self-loving soda drinker.

If I’m at a party - especially if it’s hot and I’m outside - and they don’t have some sort of fizzy water I am leaving.

I used to LOVE Clearly Canadian. Mountain Blackberry 4 lyfe.

DON’T PLAY WITH MY MEMORIES IT WAS HONEST AND PURE

Blackberry CC was ambrosia of the motherfucking Gods.

Clearly Canadian has been promised at the Hy-Vee near me for months. Yet, NOTHING! I had to ask a variety of teenaged employees (cashier, bagger, then finally guest service) about whether they had it in stock, explaining “See, it was this drink that was big in the 90s...” *Blank stares* Until finally, the guest…

Tiny Houses—Water Prison Edition

a 4x 6 ft windowless box floating in the middle of the ocean without means of steering or power? Fuck yeah, fuck me up fam!

A town in my approximate vicinity has a floating house.

Step 1: Find a pontoon boat. Under 4 grand all day long for a massive one
Step 2: Find a shed, as lightweight as possible
Step 3: Bolt shed to pontoon boat. Install cheap chinese outboard
Step 4: Paint whatever is in your soul on the side of it.
Live the dream, Anchors Aweigh, Shipshape and Bristol fashion!

That is so horrifying. I simply cannot imagine being forced to act the physical manifestation of Absence.

I was shocked at how well it came out, as it was just my phone!

Tax hikes for some, abortions for others, belly rubs for everybody!

Edited: oh, I guess it fixed itself.

I was really hoping you were going to announce that Mr. Handsome Fat Cat was our new President. Even a cat would be a better alternative. (Yes, that’s how low the bar is, so low a cat can scratch it up when it takes a shit in the gravel in my yard every fucking night and then I have to clean it up every fucking day…

Thank Jebus for the ACLU. Since the Dems seem to be pushing abortion rights and access to the back burner, their work becomes even harder and more important. They aren’t a perfect organization, but at least they aren’t craven sellouts.

#derail

I’d fuck Jared Kushner any day of the week. The more stress-gaunt and dark-circled he gets, the more I want it. Evil Jared Kushner is my fetish apparently and it’s my horrible shame.

...I’d consider Martin Shkreli.

But NOT THIS DUDE unless he leaked confidential info & was a double agent all along then fine.

Me too! I’ve been roasted here for saying I’d hate-fuck the shit out of Paul Ryan, and especially Jared Kushner, that little slut, but this dude? No thanks! I finally met a sleazebag I’d say no to, and I usually love Italian guys. But not this little piggie.

I do too but it’s because I usually say yes