This sounds so good, but the only live crabs within 1000 miles of me are infesting the skanks downtown.

Well, you see, Timmy's white privilege made all the minority players neglect to swing at any of his pitches and thus, a no-hitter was born.

Why?

Don't throw Maurice in with Marcus Vick. He's really turned his life around since prison. He works hard now to keep kids off the same track he went down. I have nothing but respect for Maurice Clarett.

Telling people to kill themselves is certainly a reasonable reaction.

Thanks for the levity before shit goes thermonuclear.

Hey look! It's nonfan type 1!

Then they turn into my parents and get divorced after 30 years.

You can only feel superior over people who just flat out CAN'T drive stick.

Your average Australian dude is not some crocodile-wrasslin', dingo-humping badass. He's more like a surfer bro. They go out early.

What a jerkoff

He's not wrong. He's just an asshole.

He was just that excited about Sharknado being on later.

His hitting coach is Mark McGwire. Not even an alleged steroid user, an admitted steroid user. That's a bullshit excuse.

Party rock is in the house tonight.

Congratulations

He doesn't live in Lincoln anymore, so I doubt the car was even his.

Denzel Washington is really aging poorly

Mom?

It's the logical move. Unlike the Mets' season, This One Counts.