Well, my average time is well faster than that. It’s a sprint, not a marathon, my friends.

And after all that, Mark “will make plays in the outfield” Hurley actually hit three more homers than Baptista and stole 11 bases on top.

Everything about this is the best thing except that it still has Ted Cruz’s face in it.

When my dog gets hugged, he acts like he’s being traumatized. So I’m not too surprised.

It’s been done before.

Perhaps you’re looking for this.

Don’t cry, sweetheart.

Say hi to the owner of Vinnie’s Pizzeria for me, then stop talking to yourself.

The good news is that the bridge goes over the ocean, so once they fix it, it’s unlikely that the skin will be eaten off your face by Rio’s friendly salt-water pathogens while you’re enjoying a languid bike ride over to the rowing and triathlon locations, where that will definitely happen.

Shit, Rob, your cat looks exactly like mine.

Sure gives you some fresh perspective on North Korea, huh?

He’s out of town until next week. We’ll have to circle up later.

My friend would like to help you, but he’s the cautious sort. Do you have a way to get around town?

Well, yeah, man, you can’t just ask total strangers for weed. No matter how cool you are, people just don’t know you. Don’t you have some friends who smoke weed?

But... why?

I’m sorry, what part of our culture encourages people to emotionally abuse their daughters for their own sexual satisfaction?

his neck was sort of backed into my Emelin.

How to Watch Hillary Clinton Lose the Nomination Again

I don’t know how good this game will be, but I really enjoyed its prequel, Nothing.

So... you’re saying that the pyramids were grain silos? Because... no. No they were not.