you can usually tell these by the number of scenes that feature Sandler wearing sweatpants
TotalFuckingHomer
TotalFuckingHomer
Never before has the phrase “delusions of grandeur” applied so perfectly to one man.
What exactly is right with the raw deal that the majority of NFL players get?
Going to Vegas next week — I’ll try it.
Nope, that’s the Knicks front office scouting report.
Makes me want to tear my hair out every time I hear it.
Oh, no, Jim Carry. Oh, no. WHY.
I know what happened to those receipts.
“Hey man, no Biggie.”
I understand the context, thanks. I just think it’s a literally insane thing to say.
Hahaha, man, if anything you ever said was accurate, I’m sure it’d be really stinging criticism.
I mean, if you think it’s right and normal to be like, “well, yeah, these people got slaughtered, but god works in mysterious ways!” ... I don’t know what I can tell you.
When they put “pro tip,” “protip” or “ProTip” in the dictionary, you can feel free to attempt to correct my spelling. I don’t think it’s even knowable whether you’re fun at parties; I simply can’t imagine anyone liking you enough to invite you to one. And... Facebook memes, really? You pick awfully shitty and…
Eh, truths is truths. To me, Obama saying “god works in mysterious ways” is tone deaf. But religious people eat it up. It amazes me.
As Jim Jefferies once said: “God works in mysterious ways? What’s so mysterious about being a fucking asshole?”
Pro tip: Being an even bigger asshole usually doesn’t make people forget how much of an asshole you were in the first place.
Gay divorce is still illegal, though, right?
I didn’t even like the first Ted, and I absolutely adore Family Guy — even latter-day Family Guy. But Ted just felt... empty to me. It never took full advantage of everything (anything?) it could be. I can’t imagine the sequel is any better.
Philly’s was pretty ridiculous too.