The real Deflategate is Aaron Hernandez running around making holes in people.

Gaze upon Simmons Whitlock and know the face of fear.

Someone should probably let Ovechkin know the definition of “all series.”

I got back together with my mom today.

Considering how much he’s squinting, maybe he was just trying to ask someone to turn the lights down.

Why thank you, that’s lovely.

Man, I want to talk about my mom here, but just beginning to think about discussing the awful back story makes my head hurt.

What do you get your mom when you haven’t talked to her in seven months because you said you didn’t respect her, and it made her slap you in the face and tell you that she never wants to see you again, but she actually does because you’re secretly her best friend?

I just feel like you’re trolling us now.

If you mean “Rizzo” instead of “Bryant,” then the answer is: Rizzo, for not catching the ball.

Hey. Don’t you disparage my Blake Lively.

Sure it is. You can get like 14 shitty I<3NY t-shirts for 10 bucks.

I’m gonna go with dcgirl’s rhetoric. There’s already been a bit of an uproar recently over restaurant wages and tipping practices, and this is a whole other industry that can be lumped in there. There are a lot of workers affected by this, and I’m presuming a lot of customers who will be more than a bit miffed to…

So here we go, somebody needs to taste this to see if it works

This is not my father’s root beer for the simple reason that my father did not have a root beer!

Sorry, “companions.”

No one calls him Tom.

Dude, you’re just... wrong. I know playing devil’s advocate is fun and all, but no, man. You’re wrong.

Anyone but hookers, you mean.

The expansion Mets’ shittiness can in no way whatsoever be attributed to Casey Stengel. Are you kidding me?