I love the symbolism of the podium being a garbage can. 

True. He’s not very incisive. 

I’m hoping this news reaches pop culture status so everyone will know what I mean when I say, “I’m collapsing like a Harbor Freight jack stand.”

I don’t need much enticing. I’ll make a pun just for the halibut. 

My commencement address was a long anecdote probably lifted straight from some C-Level self-help book by a some wannabe Paul Harvey local “business leader”. It was bad at the time because it relied on the listener to care who this kid Orethal was that the guy was blabbing about. It’s so much worse in retrospect…

“...in the case of Hertz, are in more dire straits.”

“There is only one absolute truth when it comes to martinis, and that is that there are no absolutes.”

“And this is exactly what Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Tom Brady of infectious disease doctors, warned while appearing before the Senate Health Committee.”

Hahaha. Just the tip. 

Robert Pattinson is not the hero we need, but I’m afraid he might be the one we deserve. The dish should be named Piccolini Corona. 

RatMR2 is correct. 

Wouldn’t it have been crazy though if he isn’t revealed to be evil until a movie and a half? Everyone would’ve left Phantom Menace like, hey it was weird Christopher Lee was a good guy for a change, right?

Stupid fucking Kinja. 

Wow, here comes Dave Filoni out from behind a pillar like Marshall McLuhan to your Woody Allen.

I’ve been playing a game app that shows you a random Google street view and then you place a flag on a map to guess where you think it is. Some I like to spend time researching, getting as close as I can, but of course there are many that are deserted roads in some desolate wilderness. Most of the time they are…

I did a semester abroad in Prague just after communism fell. The landlord of our penzion picked up up from the bus station in his Skoda. The Czech crown had pocket change called heller, that with the exchange rate at around 35 - 40 crowns to the dollar, were essentially worthless and made from something just this side…

I’m blaming this on falling into bad habits because of quarantine, but please indulge me spouting off about Star Wars online, something I don’t do anymore...

There wasn’t a way to write that headline with some sort of spoiler alert? 

My most boring job was proofreading other people’s data entry of medical records provided in class action lawsuits. You’ve seen the daytime TV commercials for when vaginal mesh goes horribly wrong? This company is the one hired by Vulvatech Inc. to comb through grandma’s medical records trying to find evidence that…

Fun thing I learned during the quarantine- if you’re too impatient to wait for the bananas to go brown for banana bread (cake, fine) you can bake them in their peels for thirty minutes at 350. The skins turn a delightfully spooky black, and the insides turn wonderfully soft and gooey.