“NBA teams still opt for retreads, shitbags, losers, and Luke Walton... but I repeat myself.” ~ Mark Twain

Don’t ask for information you can’t handle hearing. That’s how we found out what proportion of Deadspin readers stand up to wipe their asses. 

I had several bouts of diverticulitis before I eventually had an intestine resection. One of the bouts the intestine had swollen completely shut and the poop needs out one way or the other.

“Everybody wishes they could be healthy all the time,” said Tom Brady. “It is a contact sport and he’s certainly had his fair share of injuries, so guys retire at different times. I’m sure Luck’s choice of retiring now in the height of nightshade season is coincidental. Maybe he’s just dehydrated.”

Should we tell her she can’t speak to the manager because the manager was forced to resign?

Was going to say mac & cheese for all those reasons. It’s what I taught my wife to cook first, when she innocently suggested we make Kraft one night. 

It can cut both ways. I went to Popeyes recently and their wait staff were all so new/mind-staggeringly-incompetent that they threw up their hands when they couldn’t get my debit card to run and gave me my order for free. Then when I unpacked it when I got home I discovered that they’d given me two of everything I…

Jorge Corona, mauled by lions, dead at age 28.

The Colts are going to have another Antonio Bryant situation on their hands when Brissett’s brain bursts through his helmet.

Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.

+1 Sparky Anderson

Feces isn’t on here. Please don’t ask me how I know.

My mind breaking down the taxonomy of a traditional Chik-Fil-A/Wendy’s/Popeyes chicken sandwich vs. the Double Down.

Do you think they got eaten?

Is a hot dog a chicken nugget?

Wondering what burnt cracker smells like. 

They already closed Charles Mulligan’s steakhouse. This is one cut too deep. 

“Ian Rapoport says Luck plans to travel the world.”