(Editor’s note: I’ve never used this many umlauts in a story, ever.)

“Next season: simple quad injury mismanaged. Mets’ Alonso to have leg amputated”

When I would go to the doctor my mom would buy me a comic book at the pharmacy for being brave. One time I had a medical procedure and so my mom, wonderfully, decided that meant I should get a giant comic book. So the 1970s Defenders have a special place in my heart.

It also makes the Marvel / True Detective Universe confusing as hell.

“Chad Bettis hit Yankees’ beefy baseball boy Luke Voit square in the chin with a 91 mph throw.”

How does it work? Did McGirt throw in an actual towel, or is it metaphorical now?

“The AI thought the doodled dick was a pair of binoculars.”

“Tighten it up right now, okay? Tighten [clap] this [clap] shit [clap] up.”

I kind of like that subtext is becoming text now. 

Boone may think his players are savage in the box, but they appear to be real beasts going solo.

The “what’s the hardest crime” question needs more parameters to answer correctly. Like, are you committing one discrete crime or also any necessary predicate crimes, and do you get to train, or is it only with the skills you currently possess?

Your wife and my wife should be best friends. 

Nothing says you still couldn’t:

The messed up thing is there would be six weiners but the buns still only come in packs of eight.

Dear god, how has Oscar Meyer never thought of this? Genius work, Blake and Burners!

Stan Mikita. 

The first time this year it came across the crawl Indians pitcher Plesac, I thought how the hell Old is Dan Plesac and he’s still pitching?

Rhyming with injunction is easy, his true songwriting talent will be rhyming with estoppel.