“This got the Takeout staff wondering exactly what that tastes like, especially at a pace of 31 dogs over 10 minutes.”

He’s a fashion designer who can’t find love until he learns to first love himself. His catchphrase is “You wanna know where I got these scarves?”

And this is how we learn David Hernandez is into cupping.

If they had won, would Sari van Veenendaal passed Jean Van de Velde and Fred Van Vleet in Drew’s all-time “Van V” list?

Or apocryphal:

I won’t go as far to say anachronism, but one thing struck me having lived in a similarly-sized midwestern town in 1985.

Look at them recreating the 793 raid on Lindisfarne. How vulgar. 

Thus begins the Refutation of the Elders of Zion.

The good news is Maddon and West still have two years to practice before the 2022 Winter Olympics.

How charming that one used to win a trophy filled with the soup of the day!

Not to mention the two eating lingonberries while sitting on top of a Grönlid. Arrogant asses.

What a clever way to introduce their immature palettes to a charcuterie plate. 

How does one pantomime both people on a date paying their own share?

Can we get Jolie Kerr back to teach the Diamondbacks how to do laundry?

Too bad you can’t sculpt mayo. It would even have an accurate skin tone.

+1 to your literal plus one.

“...enlisting the influential agent Jeff Schwartz of Excel Sports.”

What color are those jerseys? They look like a manifestation of Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I mean there’s little chance it isn’t Kenan Thompson, right? And given that his Fat Albert in the SNL VH1 Behind the Music sketch is an all-time favorite of mine, not only is he the obvious choice, he’s probably the best one. 

Reading this during my morning constitutional at work. We have narrow holes in the bottom of our automatic flush toilets and my poops can reach the size of my forearm, so if it doesn’t go tip first, it’s not going down and I’m pressing the reset button ten times. I had one a few weeks ago that got stuck lengthwise and…