First they get poached by Eagles, now they're getting spied on by pigeons?

Especially when sourced through such a reputable and exclusive platform.

Where the fuck is Ben Stein?

+1 for the equally-relevant screen name

ESPN has a way of castrating its male employees.

Bullshit, Walter.

/never hear from Raysism again

What was Chewbacca like in real life? How did he smell? Do you look anything like him?

"This looks nothing like the last cycle I did."

Nuts, indeed.

There hasn't been that much head given out at Dodger Stadium since Mike Piazza was behind the dish.

If my assumption is correct, and by amphetamines they're talking about Adderall, then this story is BS.

Hell, if he's into protecting woods then he oughta look into the condom business.

It's like Dude Imperfect.

+ 1...only because it came outta that purrty mouth

Just a college playa trying to get paid.

Used to be called "Snowing" the goalie - now we can just go with Golden Shower.

I was in the short-lived EA 2007 NCAA baseball game and never saw a dime!

How is Deadspin supposed to jack off when they've just lost their Dickey?

GOD there is nothing more annoying than improper grammar.