Look, no one wants to come home from a shitty day and play 20 questions when all you can mentally deal with is the mental focus to pack a pipe, crack a beer, or masturbate profusely as your relaxation preference requires. However, this shouldn't be dictated by some moron in an article. How about instead of writing…

They're running away!

Fertilizer is made into bombs! Background checks at Lowe's, goddamnit! Fuck gardening! Fuck safety checks! Ain't nobody got time for dat!

I banned myself from wine, mostly because I need to get drunker faster than wine can provide. Also, Boyfriend and I got into 4 bottles of wine/champagne on Valentine's.....and one of those was one too many. I dragged myself into work with Dramamine and Gatorade and little cognizance of reality.

I'm making lemonade+whiskey. May have to get something fizzy in it.

That's one of the laziest drinks I've ever seen.
I've only had hypnotiq once, but it was mixed with cognac and had frozen raspberries in it and maybe something else. I don't remember much else of that night, but that was tasty.

Love that stuff!

My dog was half golden retriever. She was a good, smart dog. With his level of intelligence I'd go with golden hamster, MAYBE. But you know, some weird ripped fursona-hamster. .....Jesus, I think I damaged my brain with the idea of a Lochte fursona. Ima go back to my lemonade and whiskey (whiskey-ade?) now.

Double super chunk congratulations (like ice cream with lauds)!!!!

That's probably the best news I've heard all week!

Your coworker is so right, though. I mean, fuck Cat Stevens, that guy is just a font of hatred and bigotry.

Nah, seriously though, ask her why she's fantasizing about two guys putting on lotion.

And while we're at it, fuck my cousin who was going on about the DOMA thing the other week and said if that is overturned,…

Fuck CISPA being passed. Spying on everyone's selfies, facebook messages, food porn posts on twitter and real porn preferences for masturbation, OKAY! Background checks for psychos wanting guns? NAHHHHHH. Fuck that shit. And Nate Bell, I used up all my English swears earlier this week, so "Va te faire foutre,…

Actually, art can be subjective or objective. I think this "art form" is definitely the latter, mostly because I object to it.

The only way I can think of this being remotely applicable (however still irritatingly stupid) are to the few hipster guys on my campus who walk around without shoes and have to be begged and pleaded with to put on their disgusting, falling-apart Tom's/flipflops/shredded leather sandals, and act like they're the…

OMG! The laughing! It makes my eyes bleed tears and stuff! I would glitterbomb you to make your fabulousness known to everyone for posting this.

There is a point at which salsas and hot sauces cease to be flavor-fun-ful goodness and become instruments of torture.

As weird and bizarre as this is, why would you want them darker? I mean, biologically, don't most women's nipples (and labia) darken with age, especially after childbirth? From that standpoint, you'd probably want them lighter and pinker, non?

Fuck cupcakes. Team Petit Four 4EVA!

You can actually used Scorned Woman salsa to depilate your legs too, but it is not recommended for the delicate ladypart region. I hear it works great to strip varnish off furniture too.

Okay, not really, but I had some once and couldn't speak for about 30 minutes. Maybe it's the damn Yankee in me, but I couldn't take…

Plus side, we know how to correctly pronounce chipotle, know how good it tastes mixed with raspberry, and can get "hallerpeeners" (jalapenos) on EVERYTHING ever, and laugh at people who think spicy chicken nuggets are too hot. Lame! So you can kill the nasal congestion with pineapple habanero salsa! MWAHAHAHAHA!

I…

Pretty sure dumping your loyal bestest four-legged pal is ANYTHING but glamorous. I call bullshit on this story. If this was for-realsies logic, I'd say Hathaway needs to make friend with Bynes...in the nuthouse.
Please for why-why-why-why is Amanda Bynes left on her own doing all this crazy shit? If it's just for…