Oh man, that Ego guy is gonna have a pretty bad bruise. Can anybody think of a snappy line for this?

Thank you. There are big mistakes, and then there's domestic violence. Really drowns out the victims who are terrorized daily by serial abusers.

Calling the cold-blooded assault of another human being an "incident" is a wonderful dulling of the very real problem of domestic violence, Roger, but you don't hit someone you love. Ever. Under any circumstances.

Eh, this Rice is too grainy.

He will never be healthy, until he returns that MVP he stole from LeBron.

my mom was all WE DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED and i am all IDK I KINDA THINK WE DO THAT KID IS DEAD SO

A Rested Thigpen Arrested

Ten minutes later, his Frosty was ready.

Police knew Thigpen by his failure to complete the short drive.

Uhm...is there legal precedent to get @ELNEIGHBORADOR and @SonBateman arrested or something? Because...holy shit. Fuck those guys.

Remember when that kid died in bumfuck New York and everyone involved in racing made sure to come out and say drivers getting pissed at each other and doing stupid shit was uncommon?

Yeah, I'd say the whole 'lets hide the pedophiles' has done more damage than anything.

Sort of like Al Qaeda and ISIS believe in things we don't?

A team forfeiting a league title after a tragic school shooting, this is what happens in Obama's America.

This isn't even a FRESH HOT TAKE... If you go back and watch old SportsCenter reports from when the allegations first surfaced against Bryant, you'll find anchors discussing how much the criminal charges would help Kobe's 'Street Cred.' Which, even at the time, left at least me saying, "Wait, what?"

I'm a good person with a huge heart and everyone who knows me knows that

"scumbag agent"

One of my favorite Aykroyd skits.