I used to love MRE's when I was a kid.

You are precious.

I'm ok with this. The celebrity worshiping herd needs thinning.

Hey, whatever people want to do is fine as long as it isn't hurting anyone else.

When asked "Siri, will Kate Upton fit into the trunk of a 1989 Nissan Stanza?" I detected a distinct air of judgement when she replied "No, buy a Cadillac."

Maybe but they still make me want to burn LA and NY to the ground.

Thank god for the media for scooping up people who should be dead/in jail/beaten with a pillow case full of door knobs/forgotten forever and giving them millions of dollars and an outlet to share their objectionable fucking opinions/personality/hair style.

I'm a man so maybe I just do not get this but why does everything every woman on the planet does have to be judged on the FEMALE EMPOWERMENT SCALE?

"Who?"

"Rubbing the buttocks after the spanking, or providing ice/lotion/aloe vera is not recommended."

"Fat Zero" is not endorsed by Dr. Funkes 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution.

Who knew that a bunch of video game nerds would be so dysfunctional with the opposite sex??

I don't have all day, lady.

For real.

Please, no Kindle would survive diving from waterfalls and slamming against rock faces and Nazi punches.

That, my friend, happens to be a multipurpose, all weather, shoulder slung expedition pack. Suitable only for the transportation of bullwhips, revolvers, priceless idols and the like.

Sorry, no man carries a purse.

Rule #1 when I leave the house to go a'sexin' is "Remove All Visible Feces".