Omelet secret: separate skillets for the eggs and the fillings.

Somehow, the Patriots will land him for a sixth-round pick and some used denture cream.

We can (and should!) root for the Dolphins to go 0-16, but let’s not get our hopes up. They have two games against the Jets, two against the Bills (who, let’s face it, are the Bills), and one each against the Deadskins, the rotting corpse of the Giants, the “Do we still have Marvin Lewis’s number?” Bengals, the…

Here’s my whole thing: We desperately need leadership that will make things better. Not making things terrible quite as quickly or enthusiastically as Trump isn’t enough to get my vote. Roughly half of the electorate thinks Trump is a good choice. If half of the other half thinks Biden is a good choice, then that…

Democrats of Delaware: primary this motherfucker.

Maybe his conversion therapy buddies can pray him back onto the field sooner.

You’re giving him way too much credit. I don’t think he spelled “libel” wrong; I think he thought “liable” was the word. I can't imagine being the poor underling who had to not only correct him, but also try to teach him a new word.

This pisses me off to no end. Public officials should be spending approximately 0.00% of their energy on vaping. There are so many more serious health issues, from guns to nutrition to housing to healthcare, that they should be focused on. If someone wants to suck on a USB tea kettle, who gives a shit.

FWIW, I always thought it was "lede", and I haven't been formally affiliated with journalism since I worked on the junior high newspaper in eighth grade.

Looks like it wasn't in bounds.

That's some phenomenally terrible tackling.

I need to know who Steve King was rooting for before I know how to feel about this.

To be fair, how would you be able to tell if Gronk had a brain disease or not? Baseline with that dude is pretty fucking low.

That play died faster than a dehydrated lineman.

Still not quite enough to make me happy that Penn State won a football game.

I get that this is written (brilliantly and) in jest, but how long until the 49ers actually realize that the stadium in Santa Clara is an utter failure? There’s gotta be someplace in San Francisco where they could put a proper stadium, and there has to be some tech tycoon conglomerate with the juice to make it happen.…

Honestly, Biden’s slide into senility is the only reason I might vote for him in the general election if Democrats are dumb enough to nominate him. Were he to be elected president (not that I think he—or any other Democrat—will actually take office without serious legal and/or military intervention, but that’s a…

This is the most hilarious parody of an old white newspaper columnist I’ve seen in quite a while. I can almost smell the soup-and-tobacco-stained beard. Thanks for the chuckle.

No way, man. A good movie can’t be too long, and a bad movie can’t be too short. Tarantino’s new one felt like sailing on a crisp breeze, while 'Crawl', at more than an hour shorter, felt like a proctology exam on the Bataan Death March.

I won't be at all surprised if this chode has a job in the Trump administration by the end of next week.