OK, Paul Blart.

“Get Steve McNair’s agent on the phone!”

In college, I had a long-term girlfriend. I loved her so much. I thought I’d marry her. She was smart, creative, quirky, sweet, adorable, sexy, everything I could want. But things went south, and she broke up with me. The next Friday, I found myself at my friend Tito’s place, eating an extra large pepperoni pizza and…

“Why?”

If anything, I’d bet a hypercompetitive world-class athlete like Lloyd would be more willing to throw herself into the fray to try to make a tackle than the average free agent out of East Fuckford State. Not to say that she shouldn't be given the opportunity should she want it, simply that it's a ridiculous objection…

What y’all think?

File this alongside Drew’s piece right after Luck’s announcement, and then compare that to what’s going on in the NFL. The unsavory truth is that, as much sense as Luck’s decision makes, as true and valid as Nate Jackson’s story is, there are dozens, hundreds, maybe more, players lined up waiting to fill those roster…

You are absolutely correct. Also, I am curious if they had a column for "Will stay home if they nominate the senile fucker".

I hate you because you're right.

My grandfather lived for 20 years after the Colts absconded to Indianapolis, and until his dying day, he referred to them as the Baltimore Colts. Never even corrected himself. I used to think he was senile or obtuse, or some combination thereof. But now I understand, because there will always and forever be a San…

I thought ESPN Magazine (excuse me, ESPN THE Magazine) was going out of business. Or did I dream that, like the dream I had the other night in which I was desperately trying to convince my wife that the gray rock I had was just as important as the red rock she was holding.

Yeah, but that’s the only thing even a little bit interesting.

A hundred and forty-one bucks to watch a Star Wars show that looks just okay? I'll pass.

Boogie, no!

Said it before, etc: if we can't have someone who's going to turn the bus away from the cliff, might as well have someone who's going to stomp on the gas pedal rather than coast.

The judiciary is lost for a generation or more. The 10th US Circuit Court of Appeals just gave faithless electors carte blanche. Voting in 2020 will be slacktivism at best, performance art at worst. If the Dems nominate Biden, there is no compelling reason to participate in this sham.

If only...

robot umpires might disadvantage a certain kind of precision pitcher who nibbles on the corners and successfully teases out a wider strike zone

They can always say no.

This is not a Santa beard. This is the look of a homeless man who was taken off the streets and cleaned up to stand behind the city council while they have a press conference extolling the virtues of their “labor-for-soup” program.