I dunno, I kinda feel like a limerick is the tonally perfect medium to react to the news of the world.

What would Richardson’s legal remedy be if, say, his statue were to somehow disappear? Would he get the team back? Free hot dogs for life at the north concession stand?

Can we talk about the fact that AU is bringing in more than 52,000+ a game ? (source) Drew’s line in the Falcons WYTS about the Falcons being the second-most-popular team in their stadium isn’t hyperbole.

You don’t know either. Got it.

Help an Old Guy out, what does "pollitoooo" mean?

I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess the Vikings don’t have particularly fond feelings for Blair Walsh.

Can't hurt, might help.

You know that giant sarcophagus they built around Chernobyl? We need one of those for Alabama.

I hadn’t planned on buying 2k this year—I usually skip a year unless there’s some radical gameplay improvement--but I will buy it now if for no other reason than to support this terrific decision.

There is precisely 0.0% chance this was a suicide. If someone is on suicide watch, they can't take a deep breath without someone noticing. This was a bad person with enough dirt to bring down a lot of other bad people. He was absolutely murdered. The only question is, by whom, and I doubt we'll ever know.

I guess it depends if you think a slow death is better or worse than a quick one. Clinton would have been more subtle about being a shitty president, and it would have taken longer to realize the damage done.

Of course they’re not going to let him play with the same helmet he’s played in his whole career. A Steelers helmet would look stupid with a Raiders uniform.

Maybe I’m just Very Old, but this seems tacky and gauche on many fronts. I can’t imagine being arrogant enough to think that my funeral or that one of one of my loved ones would be important enough to need a way for people anywhere in the world to attend virtually. And I also can’t imagine the passing of someone in my…

The NFL game experience, everybody!

I am sorry Donald Trump is president, but I am not sorry that Hillary Clinton is not my president.

downs a handful of Klonopin with a jigger of cheap bourbon and waits for blessed oblivion

I gave you a star even though I realized that, motherfucker, you’re 100% right. Dan Snyder will be president someday. The only question is whether it will happen before or after we enter the cannibalism phase of dystopia.

Horrifying Hell Nightmare?

At this point, I don’t want him to die. I want him to get infested with parasites that will leave him writhing in excruciating agony for decades.