I have no idea what the right numbers are, and I bet if you asked a thousand people you’d get at least 990 different answers, but a cash settlement has to be a part of reparations for slavery and indigenous genocide, but only a part. All of the stuff about education, criminal justice reform, etc. has to be a part of…

I'd like to think that at least one team is looking for prospects who would have the nerve to say, "What kind of stupid-ass bullshit is this?" But then I remember that it's the authority-humping NFL, where anything less than complete subservience is the equivalent of gonhorrea.

Yeah, but they missed out on Phil Kessel, so...

Fair point. Thanks for clarifying.

I get that time seems to move slower for elite athletes than it does for, say, my fat ass. But how was there even time to stare anyone down there? The whistle blew immediately after the ball went through the hoop. Did the ball even hit the floor before the whistle blew? Jesus fuck. NBA referees are the biggest…

The pixelated image is about a thousand times creepier than the actual thing.

A-E-Dub!!! A-E-Dub!!!

I cannot fucking believe the Democrats didn't nominate Bernie in 2016. May every single person who voted for Hillary Clinton in the primaries rot in Literal Christian Hell forever and ever.

Is it too easy to point out the cosmic perfection of Don Jr. and Falwell Jr. speaking together at an event called the Failson Symposium?

Yes, he put up big numbers at QB for Penn State. But so did Christian Hackenberg.

Jalopnik’s second door on the left.

God damn it. +1

I also like Trevor Noah’s hypothesis that maybe Trump got an A in Spanish, which would ruin his credibility with his base.

Why doesn’t he do anything about the eyebrow?

The Bills will sign him, Josh Allen will get hurt, Manzeil will win a few games, Buffalonians will buy Johnny Football Flakes by the truckload, Allen will start and lose a dramatic playoff game, and the Wheel of Fate will spin anew.

As a resident of New Hampshire, I will absolutely vote for the person who brings Jack in the Box to my state.

Say he wins and gets some percentage stake in the AAF. Is he then also assuming that same percentage of its debt?

This is entirely fitting, as the Oscars are as precisely as good an evaluator of excellence as Francesca himself.

Fortunately for Hackenberg, nobody’s watching, nobody cares.

Boom goes the dynamite. +1