You say, "That kids, is what it looks like when a house explodes." It's not like a pair of tits flew out the garage door.

City: Houston, TX.

Cover charges are only acceptable for live music. If you're charging a cover and there's no live entertainment your bar is a pretentious shithole and I'm going somewhere else.

If a bar charges cover and doesn't have a band playing, I'm going to another bar. Fuck covers that aren't the door for the band.

If you need to cover tattoos for a family reunion or for a wedding, then A) your family is comprised of intolerant dicks; and B) you're getting married to the wrong person.

Whichever one your mom has lying around

He's the guy who did all the cocaine.

Since I was 11, I've known aerial refueling is hard to do

Geo Tracker 5 Speed 4x4 2 Door. You can load the baby in the car seat from outside with the top off. So easy.

I Choo Choo(se you) Motherfucker

Just look at 'em!

Scout all the way, quit hitting the Eagle button you chucklefucks.

An embarrassing and corrected omission.

Houston was also attacked in Independence Day.

Need to get that AdBlock. Works fantastically well for that garbage they put up.

Psst. . I think you're doing it wrong!

Why did you turn!?!?!?!?!

Not pictured is Matthew McConnaughy telling his henchmen to release the acid magnets.

"I don't usually share drama on social media"