"After he cudgels the spheroid into the pitch, he might traverse several base platings and get into the red zone, awaiting a teammate to offer him safe entry to the final embassy."

"I wasn't." —T. Woods

Followed shortly by the worst attempt at finding a better replay angle of all time.

320 my ass. Dude is a biscuit away from 4 bills.

I'm surprised this t shirt doesn't have some stupid shit like flames or skulls or some other macho bullshit festooned all over it.

Good point, but here's a less-meaningful phrase:

We don't think Jezzies are evil, we just think they type too much. ;-)

Now I feel awkward saying I owned him in my fantasy football league.

"Not bad."

What does Steve Prefontaine have to do with the NBA at all?

He just likes dressing up sometimes.

Hey guy, do you actually read Deadspin? Are you at all familiar with the institutional voice with regard to this issue? Do you have any grasp of subtlety? Did you, at any point today enjoy a moment of lucidity where you considered that Deadspin was actually poking fun at those who would snicker at Wes Welker,…

Wes just couldn't find his own helmet so he snagged one of Peyton's.

Pictured:
World's Biggest Ass

It's true, they won't allow anything offensive. Top-selling L'il Adolph's Runny Shit Pouches were originally going to be called Dan Snyder's™ Sterilized Single-Use Colostomy Bags.

As an Eagles fan, there's a strong chance he was surrounded by Exhibits B, C, and D, meaning Exhibit A's pseudo-taunting reaction was justified.

It's a pigment of their imagination.

MOM: [gathers kids around kitchen table] I'm sorry, guys. The last thing I ever want to do is embarrass you or make you look silly. You know that, right?

You can just tell by ALL of his reactions that Dad has been getting in fights over her behavior for no less than 20 years. One-handed, no-look, nonchalant deflection of the angry son, pay-no-mind ignoring of the Oklahoma bros, just an old pro. Nothing but veteran moves. He's the real hero here. I'm willing to bet…