I pretty firmly believe that successful comedians enjoy their jobs 100 times the national job enjoyment average.

No one who has half a fucking brain thinks Martha is a good person. There's only a million ex-MSLOers who can tell you firsthand how shitty her workplace is. Her hideous daughter is example number one of how fucked up she is. MSLO stock is worth like four fucking cents at this point for all you "She's a billionaire!"…

Why of Why would Martha support this sexual predator? I have always held a special place in my heart for her which is now turning dark and cold. Fuck that.

You know who didn't spend Thanksgiving with Terry Richardson? Gwyneth Freaking Paltrow. I award this round to Goop.

Wouldn't her wishing that two of her children become a priest and a nun would go against that "breeding stock" idea. Don't both of those occupations require a vow of celibacy?

"Breeding stock"

You should tell Lana to smile, I've heard the ladies really like that.

my favorite was the raccoon stealing the pet food by far, "I am only going as far I need to."

OMG! The raccoon at 3:20 - particularly his get away - is hilarious!

I feel really weird about the idea of letting a ferret climb all over a baby. I guess it isn't that different than a cat or dog? Maybe I have a prejudice against ferrets... :(

I feel like I need an Adderal after reading your MWM posts. Can we just ease up and maybe limit fonts to like, 2, and make a few sentences that read calmly? I think you're trying too hard.

A friend of mine had a theory that it's because we're such a young country. We're like teenagers—we're fascinated by sex but we think it's REALLY dirty and bad. And we just can't stop talking about how dirty and bad we find it.

Everything was amazing in Arrested Development.

nice to virtually meet you :)

This is a great trick by many master shade throwers: the feigning of earnest concern. It's a perfect tactic, because no one wants to be the asshole accusing you of being disingenuous. You can get away with a lot of shady shit by cloaking it in genuine worry for the other person. Throw in an understanding shoulder…

If you pay full price for retail clothing you are a FOOL.

Hey, what about Neiman Marcus' Last Call? You know, the place where you can get a Versace dress for $1000 (original price: $5000. That's an 80% discount! THINK OF THE SAVINGS!)

I've seen ads for Stein Mart, but I've never actually seen one in captivity, so I wasn't even entirely sure it existed.