(Points finger at China and laughs)

No, see, you didn't work hard from day 1 (i.e. grade school on up). If you had, you could have applied for scholarships at top universities. And, yes, while a college degree doesn't count for much these days, especially when it comes from the University of Phoenix, a degree from a "known" institution does.

RANT:

As Eddie Murphy once, so eloquently, put it, "Tell me something I don't know, motherfucker."

Wasn't the line, "based on movement"? From Jurassic Park.

Apparently, you can just ask God how much a full grown T Rex weighed... I mean, since he put them in the ground for us to find... right?

The first Mac I purchased was a Macintosh IIsi. It was one of the first Macs to offer color - all 16 of them and I think it cost my parents around $2,000.

North Korea, I'd assume... where all ancient discoveries are invented by Kim Jung Ill. Of course you'll only be able to listen to songs proclaiming his greatness... and you'll need electricity to charge your "KimPod" - something almost all N. Koreans lack. Nothing to Envy.

But will I be able to see my screen on the beach under the mid-day sun?

Yet, no one ever wakes up and says, "WTF? I'm on fire!!!" Explain that, "Wickepedia".

Yeah, but when I call my wife using the assistant, it will still mispronounce our last name - pisses me off every time.

Dick Jones: I had a guaranteed military sale with ED209! Renovation program! Spare parts for 25 years! Who cares if it worked or not!

It shouldn't take people 30 days to realize that it's crap.

This just highlights the amount of apathy that exists in the international community. It's easier to look away and pretend that N. Korea isn't one giant concentration camp when it's their own people who are slaughtered.

Two words: No oil.

While we're at it, all these names are available, too:

Clearly it's the saucer section of the USS Enterprise.

That's only because only the homeless use mass transit in LA =(

The only safe thing to do is build an elevated highway system over where the tunnel now runs.

I never understood how, if the universe is 13.7 billion years old, we can see something that happened approximately that long ago. Hasn't the universe been expanding for the same amount of time at the speed of light, or less? And wasn't the universe smaller in the past than it is today? Meaning that the light from…