Forget about where I parked my car, I need help finding my keys more often!

There's a video of Angry Steroid Man's wife, too:

Notice how the police never show up? I can imagine the call, "We've got a motorist and cyclist in a screaming match on Oak Street by the park." Response, "Rigghttt... sorry we've got actual police work to do."

Fuck everybody!

I used to be an adventurer like you, until I took an arrow in the knee.

Me too!

Same here =/

Well yeah, if Hansel and Gretel were a true story, but clearly IRL cavemen invented GPS with their first signal fires.

If you distilled bad vodka, in addition to making it stronger, would it burn off the impurities?

Michael Bay just called. He told me to tell you, "meh."

Except that their phonebook for the whole country is probably two pages long... single sided.

OR... how about yawning to tell yourself that it's time to go the F to sleep?!?!

Some how reading this while drinking a Sam Adams Lager made it taste like shit.

You know, this would have never happened if the housewife had not been so lazy and worked faster.

I'd like to see how well body armor works on a headshot.

I wonder if that would work with sharks... guess I'm going to the aquarium tomorrow.

Does this mean I can't login with the username "potus@whitehouse.gov" anymore?

Looks scratchy.

Does that mean all the proto-solarsystems being incubated in the nebula will/are destroyed as well?

Because we live in a free society that allows us to call BS on people that try to rewrite history. Even if that history happened a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.