"Close The Gap Crossroads Classic."

I've been taking a nasal spray the last few days for some post-nasal drip. Am I insanely awesome or just insane for imagining I appear exactly like this when doing it?

"That he has such reservations at a time like this must be music to Jerry Sandusky's ears."

By my count, Mr. Hurd has violated Crack Commandments 1, 2, 3, 5, 8 and 9. What a fucking amateur.

And all this time, I thought "keys to the game" meant something entirely different.

"Buy bust and dope on the table? Fuck you, McNulty."

HO CHI MINH SHITTY

Ha!

If the glove's got shit, you can't acquit.

Nice.

I can't tell if I dislike him more from Boston's lean years or now.

Brood for Good Times is the tagline for Kirin's "Emo Label."

What's on your mind, caller?

Who would you rather bone, Casey Anthony or Amanda Knox?

There's a lot about John Clayton we still don't know: [www.onionsportsnetwork.com]

"It's 20 miles to Buffalo, I've got a full bottle of Jameson, three-quarters of my tires, it's dark and I'm employed at ESPN."

Don't make him out to be a martyr.

Incidentally, a Thanksgiving Day Stomp is the reason I know that the resonation from banging garbage cans can cause severe flatulence and diarrhea in audiences after a holiday feast.

"No Money Ball: How the Big Short Blindsided the New York Mets"

Julian Edelman is barely a Jew, and was raised as a Christian according to: [www.jewornotjew.com]